emotional: i wrote about her today 🎀

Heyyyy 🎀

Glad to know that you're interested in reading about the girl who has decided to put down herself on a paper 📃 

Did you grow up in a different household?? 🤔 omgg me too ✋️ my parents were so strict 😭 that I couldn't see the shadows of the outside world. I had no friends, maybe I did but one I would call a girlfriend whom I only got to see whenever I was back at school, school as infuriating as it is was my favourite place to be, i was taught independence as early as 7yrs old living without my parents,  all I had was school and school friends. Each time we got a break I would be so upset as I underwent emotional and physical trauma especially as a Black girl in a black home living in a black country, I would wear a me that never existed to make it up to the ones I called guardians and guess what? Good or bad; it was lands on me, i got punished for making friends or trying to keep up and feel belonged and I still get blamed for my poor communication skills and lack of engagement in school activities which made me wonder how I could get along without speaking🫥

I was taught to only talk to the people my parents want me to talk to but I was never allowed to be me. 

All I ever asked for was to be me. 

Was raised as a parent with the ambition of always parenting someone which was more like a burden although I never complained as I was in a place that never cares about how anyone felt and around people who were selfish to the core and never had what we consider to be empathy in our generation. 

I was always silenced with domestic assault and "I've gone passed this stage" but I wish I could make them understand that you've been where I am now but with different conditions, different timelines, different atmosphere and different people, the world doesn’t evolve around you forever; i had all these and so many more I wished to voice out but I was so vulnerable. 

However I consider myself to have made terrible mistakes in life that lives a scar in me till forever which maybe due to careless parenting with no guidance 💔 although I never let it being me down, I learned to carry myself, as young as then, I could hold my tears, I could control my feelings cmcuz I realised early that I had to fight for myself. 

Heyyyy 🎀 what's how are we doing so far? 

Take a break my dear friend if you need to 

Don't get too emotional 

I ghat your back 🫂🫶

Anyways, we moved to the UK where I had to live with an aunt cuz my parents ain't got any accommodation as we were all new to the area so while living with this people, I was verbally and s3xually harassed for trying to voice out how insecure I was when it was just her husband around but guess what I was called a "home breaker" as I came to destroy the stereotypical "PERFECT HUSBAND" but that’s not all my privacy was invaded which was also used against me but guess what I went through it all but there was never a side to my story but it's fine.

I couldn't endure it anymore, I tried talking to someone and they said it's the normal teenage stuff, it didn't get any better, 

I started to take things slowly on myself, I found it difficult to cry out but I will one day

 When I have a shoulder to lean on. 

Had I known I was surrounded with fake love.

I'm being taken care of as a result of what happens when two people have intercourse and not for the love of family. 

Anyways I can and have always handled 😌 stuffs like this

Let me tell you a fun fact about me; my parents have never been there for me and I never expect them to. I promise to make it in life, have the best partner and help to speak up for the vulnerable. 

I forbid the resemblance of my parents, I am a different person, I am a girl with an authentic ambition, a girl with big dreams, a girl whose limit is beyond the surface of the earth, a girl who would never judge anyone's decision, a girl who would love to see others love, a girl who is ready to fight for every other girl out there, a girl who forever longs for friendship although i really can't tell the feelings of real friendship, a soft girl but an activist at heart, 

A queen who loves to see others be themselves. 

I have always had the mindset of caring about other people although no one seem to care that much 😞

Just to let you know how strong you are to have endured every challenge 💪 and you keep moving with a bright smile on your face. 

You're priceless🫶

Right now I'm just 17 but doesn't seem like it cuz I've never had a childhood😭 I don't even know what it means or how it feels. 

I just sit and get so emotional, scrolling through Pinterest and even googling what 17 year olds do because I'm battling with fitting in even though I don't belong but I don't wish myself or anyone to fall out. 

It just sounds so weird writing all this 

Maybe I should just keep it to myself like I've always did or I'll probably post it and get pitiful notification rather than true mutuals 🤷 

Okay i think this is all I can say for the time being 

I love yall 

Please like, comment, share and subscribe 🙏 🫶🫂

BE AWARE: this isn't scripted, it is a true life story and shouldn't be misused or mishandled. 

Comment: "🎀" for a part 2